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The struggles are real...

So, it’s been a couple of weeks since my last blog due to being out of the country, spending some much needed quality time with my family. I have been home for a week now but to be honest, I sat down to write my next entry and nothing was coming to me. I have all these ideas and words in my head but I couldn’t put them together and this is why…

I was feeling terrible about myself. I felt bad for taking some time off work and training and dieting for the first time this year and I couldn’t wrap my head around this being ok for me to do. I preach about life balance to my clients but for myself, I just couldn’t see this as being ok.

This year has been a crazy whirlwind of emotions for me. I packed up and went to the USA at the end of last year only to come back in February due to unforeseen circumstances. I then started my comp prep for Season A and started my new job at HIIT Australia. These two things combined became my outlet & my escape. If I wasn’t at the gym training, I was there working. Its what helped me cope and get through what I needed to get through, and it worked!

I competed in 3 comps, felt amazing and was happy with the package I took to the stage by my last comp. My next goal was then to maintain my physique for the rest of the year so that when it comes to Season A next year, my prep wont have to be as long or as hard and my body would be ready by the first comp, not the third!

What I didn’t realise was that my body was starting to work against me. The stress of what I had been going through was affecting me more then I wanted to believe. It started to show and my body started to shut down. My hormones were all over the place; I was doing ridiculous amounts of cardio because it was still that ‘escape’ for me, I was still dieting but every time i looked in the mirror i did not like what I would see. No one around me would know this, but I hated what I saw. I felt like i had failed at my goal of maintaining a leaner body all year round. I wanted to train more, diet harder and ignore what my body was trying to tell me.

But I didn’t. I took a step back, listened to my amazing coach & those closest to me and realised I was getting caught up in this “comp life” and becoming obsessed. This wasn’t me at all!!!

I am quite mentally strong, so for ME to start getting caught up just that little bit is crazy and I cannot even imagine what some girls go through… and it’s sad.

It’s sad that as a female, whether you’re in the fitness industry or not, we feel the pressure to have that perfect bikini body all year round. We feel like we should be walking around on a daily basis with ripped abs and a tight booty in fear we will be looked at and judged and called fat, regardless of what it does to our health and that’s crazy! Since when did body image become such an important part of life??!! I’m sure my grandmother never felt like this!

Life is about being happy with who you ARE, what you DO, being proud of what you HAVE and making the most of every day and every opportunity. We chase the idea of perfection, and like I said in my last blog, it doesn’t exist. I will be honest and say, i got caught up in this! It happens. Every girl goes through it and can relate in some way..

Don’t get me wrong; it’s not easy to keep a level head about all of this! It’s been hard putting on weight and taking the time to really listen to my body and work WITH it, instead of against it. But I know at the end of the day it will be worth it. I am now feeling healthier, stronger, fitter and finally happier! I love my job, the people around me and I am in love with training again, all for the right reasons! And most of all, I’m starting to love myself and my body again.

No 6 pack, shredded quads, capped shoulders or perfect glutes is worth your health. Work with what you have! I cannot stress enough that every single body is different. Be proud of what you have, your strengths are someone else’s weakness’ and vice versa.

We only have one body! Love yourself, listen to your body, enjoy training and eating healthy because its good for you, not because you want to be better than anyone else or because you’re afraid of what someone might think of you.

To everyone else you look amazing, its what we see through our own eyes that’s the issue. Remember to turn that negative into a positive and your whole thought process will change! I am still working on this every single day and i know you can too!

Progress is progress and another step closer to being the best version of yourself! Never Give up on that!

Han xoxo

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